The Current State of Affairs

For my book, I intend to chronologically document the roller coaster ride of my father's "breakdown" and aftermath throughout the subsequent decade (to the present) as well as its effect on the lives of my brothers and myself: the process of getting legal custody of Ian and what it was like successfully raising a 9 year old as a twenty one year old (He is now 20! I did it! Was I perfect or even close? Absolutely, positively not! That was my 20s- well that and school- but I wouldn't take it back for anything. Ian is super intelligent, charming, insightful, ... the list goes on and on...Yes, we still fight like siblings and he definitely hated me for awhile lol..still soooo worth it :)), other familial crises along the way, and how I managed to simultaneously fulfill my educational aspirations and become what I believe is a stronger person because of adversity.

However, one of my biggest regrets is not keeping track of everything in detail as it was happening...aside from legal documents, medical and arrest records, etc.. which will be included as important research data for this manuscript. Had I kept a detailed written record much of this book would have been written! I will say, though, that even at this early stage the process of reflecting on things that I spent many years shelving and avoiding in the depths of my subconscious mind has already been mentally taxing to a degree and will continue to be. Cathartic? Yes. Important and worthy to describe, analyze, and share? In my opinion, absolutely.

CURRENT AFFAIRS

My father is currently institutionalized in a psychiatric state hospital in Florida. He committed a criminal offense in 2010 (this is not rare; my dad has a lengthy arrest record in a minimum of ten states throughout the country- homeless type offenses, all while off his medication and psychotic. He has NEVER been physically violent no matter how delusional and sick). Usually the courts recognize his mental illness, drop the charges, and hospitalize him. He starts to get better with medication and stabilize but due to the lack of space in psychiatric facilities and typical legal process in dealing with people like my father, they release him into a less structured environment where he decompensates and ultimately stops taking his medication. Then the cycle repeats. And repeats. Well this time in Florida it was different. They didn't drop the charges. His public defender saw immediately how mentally ill my father was when he visited him in jail, but it took NEARLY A YEAR to get my dad into a psychiatric facility. Once transferred there and eventually to a second state run facility where he now resdies, my father's condition has been steadily improving. He calls me regularly and I can happily report that the mumbling, nonsensical, fragmented conversations are slowly turning into actual conversation.

The problem? My dad is "awaiting competency" to face his criminal charges. What this means is that if he improves enough, he may be returned to jail. What do you think will happen then? Complete decompensation of course. It's a catch-22 and I pray it won't become a possibility. I am having a hard time getting all of the contact information I need as I'm sure the social worker there is overloaded with too many cases as most tend to be unfortunately, but will be diligent so that I can protest, send documentation, and talk to everyone involved in this process should it become an issue. If potential competency is not considered, the charges against my father will be dropped 5 years after his arrest date and he will be released. This is another potential disaster of course, as my father may very well stop taking his medication in an unstructured environment and return to homelessness and his nomadic life. This was dangerous enough in 1999-2010 throughout his 50s, but as a man in his early 60s? I don't want to think about it. His former public defender warned me about this: the clock is ticking, and if I don't have or get resources to be able to provide the environment dad needs for at least a chance of stability, the cycle will likely repeat. He's seen it "way too many times". So have I. At least I have a little time....

My Perspective on Schizophrenia (very abbreviated)

There is more evidence that schizophrenia is inherited (at least to a degree) than most, if not all, other mental illnesses via twin studies and in particular, psychobiology. Twin studies support that among those who are separated at birth and raised in different families, rates of both twins having schizophrenia are higher than among non-biological siblings raised in the same home i.e. more evidence for biology than psychology and especially, sociology. In addition, the delusions and hallucinations thought to be caused by schizophrenia are due to overactive dopamine receptors in the brain, or an imbalance of an important neurotransmitter in the brain responsible for pleasure. This makes a lot of sense when one considers drug induced psychosis that can occur from chronic stimulant abuse. Why? Because stimulants act on dopamine receptors. Each stimulant has a specific mechanism of action, but the overall effect is the same: This is why some individuals on cocaine (for example) may experience psychotic symptoms while on the drug and become intensely paranoid and delusional; for instance, believing that the FBI is watching them. So from all of the research I have been able to gather what is going on in a non-medicated schizophrenic’s brain is akin to drug induced psychosis for a brain with “normal” dopamine receptor function. This also explains why schizophrenics are treated with antipsychotic medications, which reduce the activity of dopamine in the brain to limit or eliminate psychotic delusions and/or hallucinations.

So was my dad going to be schizophrenic no matter what, simply because of his brain chemistry? I truly don’t believe so. People are not born with schizophrenia; most experience symptoms in late adolescence to early adulthood (with the exception of some who experience symptoms as adolescents but can only be diagnosed with “schizoaffective disorder” until they reach adulthood).  From a biological standpoint, it seems likely that my dad had the genetic predisposition for schizophrenia. What brought it out was likely related to psychological factors such as his upbringing and how his brain developed, although I have little information to corroborate this. Hopefully throughout this process I will acquire the sources necessary to assess this.  In terms of environmental factors, I do know that my dad experimented a lot with hallucinogenic drugs as a teenager and young adult. My mom always claimed that dad’s schizophrenia is due to that substance abuse, but I don’t buy it. Plenty of people use drugs heavily and never experience psychotic symptoms, at least not permanent long terms ones even after the drug effects have worn off. 

Could dad’s substance abuse have been the catalyst for his schizophrenia given a genetic predisposition and similarly predisposing upbringing? Absolutely, and this is what I believe to be the case, with the caveat that my perception is not based on tangible evidence but rather instinct and education.  So is his illness 50% biology, 20% psychology, and 30% sociology? Who knows? Will I ever know? Unlikely! What is the ratio of the impact of each of these disciplines for other diagnosed schizophrenics? Again, there is probably no way that we will ever know, but that doesn’t make exploring the possibilities any less valuable, at least in my mind and for my search to understand and make sense of it all. Sometimes it’s not about finding the answers, but going through the arduous task of asking questions that culminate in me finding my answers, or you finding your answers. As cliché as using an Aerosmith quote may seem, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”